In this practical follow up to Refusing to be a Man, John Stoltenberg uses a combination of case studies, autobiography, checklists and discussion points, to speak directly to men about how the social construction of manhood operates in everyday relationships and to show how these same dynamics drive the behaviour of gangs, race-hate groups, and international imperialism. Readers will find here new perspectives on intimacy, gender, and violence and be pushed to re-examine their ideas of manhood and gender identity generally. Stoltenberg's new introduction sets the book in academic context, summarising the game theory of gender which underlies all his work.
Author(s): J. Stoltenberg
Edition: 2
Year: 1999
Language: English
Pages: 352
Book Cover......Page 1
Half-Title......Page 2
Title......Page 3
Copyright......Page 4
Dedication......Page 5
DISCONTENTS......Page 7
INTRODUCTION TO THE REVISED EDITION......Page 9
PROLOG......Page 17
AN AUTHOR’S NOTE TO WOMEN READERS......Page 21
Ten Things to Remember When You’re Faced With Another Man Who Intimidates or Scares You......Page 22
Three Things That Usually Happen If, When You Feel Threatened by Another Man, You Act Like a Man Back......Page 23
Why Does the Manhood Act Exist, Anyway?......Page 24
Ten Ways You Can Fake It If You Fear Your Manhood Act Is Shaky......Page 25
Ten Things to Remember If You Know Your Manhood Act Is Shaky but You Suspect That’s OK— Because You’d Really Rather Act Out of Your Selfhood Instead......Page 26
2 HOW CAN I BE CLOSER TO PEOPLE— IN FRIENDSHIP AND IN LOVE?......Page 29
What Should a Man of Conscience Do When He Fucks Up?......Page 31
Four Good Reasons This Is Not a Book for Men Only......Page 34
The Wondrous Fable of a Young Man’s Search for Manhood......Page 38
The True Story of a Young Boy’s Search for Manhood......Page 41
5 HOW CAN WE HAVE BETTER RELATIONSHIPS WITH THE WOMEN IN OUR LIVES?......Page 44
About Column B......Page 46
About Column A......Page 47
6 WHAT MUST WE LEARN ABOUT MANHOOD FROM DAD?......Page 49
7 WHAT IF MY FATHER DIDN’T LOVE ME?......Page 55
My Father, Machines, and Me......Page 56
A Six-pack of Tools for Deconstructing Dad......Page 59
Seven Sons Who Feel Fatherless and One Who Is Too Young To......Page 66
Ten Things to Remember If You Don’t Have Your Father’s Love Because You Do Not Have Your Father......Page 69
Four Guys Whose Manhood Needs Help......Page 72
10 ISN’T MANHOOD SOMETHING BASIC THAT WE REALLY NEED?......Page 77
11 HOW CAN I BE ANYBODY IF I’M NOT A REAL MAN?......Page 82
Destination: The Beginning of the Universe......Page 83
Destination: The Origin of Manhood in a Human Infant......Page 84
What’s Your Intimacy Literacy?......Page 89
An Optional Feelings Check......Page 97
A Practical Guide to Selfhood for Men of Conscience......Page 98
Another Optional Feelings Check......Page 106
The Question of How Not to Be a Coward in Relation to Other Men......Page 109
The Question of Practical Courage in Relation to Other Men Who Could Hurt You......Page 111
Another Checkup on Those Feelings That Are Not Entirely Optional......Page 114
Who Can You Trust in Relation to Other Men?......Page 116
Checklist for Safe Friendship with a Woman......Page 117
Who Can Trust You in Relation to Other Men?......Page 118
Checklist for Men Friends (Would-be Man of Conscience Version)......Page 119
16 WHY DO COMMUNICATIONS IN MY LOVE LIFE BREAK DOWN?......Page 123
The True Story of a Young Boy’s Search for Manhood (continued)......Page 130
The True Story of a Young Boy’s Search for Manhood (continued some more)......Page 131
The True Story of My Search for Manhood (beginning to be discontinued)......Page 132
18 HOW CAN I TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT’S RIGHT AND WHAT’S WRONG IN MY MOST INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS?......Page 134
19 HOW CAN I HAVE BETTER SEX?......Page 145
A Personal Checklist of Some Reasons You May Feel That You Ought to Stay in Manhood Mode During Sex......Page 146
Seven Mysteries of “Male” Sexual Anatomy (Or, Why Humans Don’t Come the Way We Sometimes Think We Do)......Page 147
Yet Another Reason You May Feel That You Have to Stay in Manhood Mode During Sex (Or, The Erotics of Economics)......Page 150
The True Story of My Own Search for Manhood (resumed)......Page 152
Sex and Selfhood (Or, The Revolution from Between)......Page 154
A Personal Checklist of Some Ways to Tell Whether Your Sexual Feelings Are Occurring in Selfhood Mode or in Manhood Mode......Page 157
20 LOOKING REALLY TURNS ME ON-SO WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH THAT?......Page 161
Six Tips to Remember If You Are in Training to Have Sex Like a Man......Page 162
Proper Etiquette Among Real Men (Or, Mister Mann’s Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Male Bonding)......Page 173
22 HOW CAN I BE CLOSE TO MEN AND NOT FEEL LIKE I’M QUEER?......Page 184
23 IF THEY TAKE AWAY MY PORNO, WILL THEY TAKE AWAY MY MANHOOD NEXT?......Page 190
EPILOG: THE END OF MEN......Page 204
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS......Page 209
ABOUT THE AUTHOR......Page 211
ABOUT A RELATED VIDEO SERIES......Page 212
