Ok, so maybe Strauss went off the deep end a little with this book. All that aside, any man with a family or loved ones owes it to them to educate himself on the dangers of the real world.
Author(s): Neil Strauss
Edition: First Edition
Publisher: It Books
Year: 2009
Language: English
Pages: 419
EMERGENCY: THIS BOOK WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE (2009)......Page 1
LESSON 17: THE BRITNEY SPEARS SCHOOL OF PREGNANT SURFING......Page 121
CONTRACT OF LIABILITY......Page 7
Contents......Page 11
PART ONE: Orientation......Page 13
PROLOGUE......Page 14
A BRIEF CONFESSION......Page 18
How to Turn a Credit Card into a Knife......Page 22
PART TWO: Five Steps......Page 26
STEP 1: DECEMBER 31. 1999......Page 27
LESSON 1: BIRTHDAY CLOWNS TO AVOID......Page 28
LESSON 2: TIPS ON DEATH CULT ETIQUETTE......Page 33
LESSON 3: THE USE OF PHILOSOPHY AS AN EXCUSE TO CANCEL PLANS......Page 40
LESSON 4: A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO EVIL IN THE TWENTIETH CENTURY......Page 46
LESSON 5: THE MAGIC OF LIFE: NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON'T......Page 54
STEP 2: SEPTEMBER 22, 2000......Page 56
LESSON 6: WHY THEY HATE US BUT LIKE OUR MOVIES......Page 57
STEP 3: ********* **, ****......Page 67
LESSON 7: THE WORLD'S OLDEST SURVIVAL MANUAL......Page 68
LESSON 8: THE PROBLEM WITH GAS MASKS......Page 71
LESSON 9: EFFECTS OF SCHOOL TEACHERS ON PSYCHOSEXUAL DEVELOPMENT......Page 77
STEP 4: NOVEMBER 3, 2004......Page 79
LESSON 10: CALCULATE YOUR SAFETY IF X =TERRORISTS, Y =DISTANCE, AND Z =HOW MUCH YOU'VE PISSED THEM OFF......Page 80
LESSON 11: POP QUIZ: RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU DIDN'T VOTE......Page 82
How to be Practically Invisible......Page 86
STEP 5: AUGUST 29, 2005......Page 88
LESSON 12: MENTAL HEALTH GUIDELINES FOR AIR TRAVELERS......Page 89
LESSON 13: HOMEWORK: FIND THE LAST STRAW......Page 96
PART THREE: ESCAPE......Page 103
LESSON 14: HOW TO BECOME IMMORTAL IN ONE EASY STEP......Page 104
LESSON 15: AN ARGUMENT FOR GETTING INTO CARS WITH STRANGERS......Page 111
LESSON 16: BIRTH CONTROL TIPS FROM BILLIONAIRES......Page 115
LESSON 18: RAISING THE DEAD WITH GOVERNMENT PAPERWORK......Page 124
How to Evade Pursuit Vehicles......Page 128
LESSON 19: HOW TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM INFLATION, HACKERS, AND CELINE DION......Page 130
LESSON 20: FIVE STEPS TO A TAX-FREE LIFE......Page 135
LESSON 21: WHY KNOCKING UP A BRAZILIAN WOMAN CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE......Page 141
LESSON 22: THE GONE WITH THE WIND GUIDE TO ASSET PROTECTION......Page 147
LESSON 23: WHERE TO FIND THE HAPPIEST ROOM ON EARTH......Page 153
LESSON 24: HOW TO ALIENATE YOUR FAMILY IN SIXTY SECONDS OR LESS......Page 160
How to Escape a Mob......Page 164
How to Make a Bow & Arrow......Page 165
LESSON 25: PROOF THAT A FOOL AND HIS MONEY ARE SOON PARTED......Page 166
LESSON 26: THE ART OF DISAPPEARING......Page 169
LESSON 27: WAR, GENOCIDE, AND OTHER REAL ESTATE SCAMS......Page 173
LESSON 28: CALCULATE THE ODDS THAT YOU'RE IN JAIL RIGHT NOW......Page 178
LESSON 29: WHY THE GOVERNMENT FROWNS ON SMILING......Page 182
LESSON 30: HOMEWORK: FIND A STRANGER YOU TRUST......Page 186
PART FOUR: SURVIVE......Page 190
LESSON 31: SAFETY GUIDELINES FOR THE USE OF HORSES, GUITARS, AND TOWELS......Page 191
LESSON 32: LIFE ADVICE FROM THE WORLD'S FRIENDLIEST NAZI......Page 196
LESSON 33: INTRODUCING THE URBAN SURVIVAL KIT......Page 200
LESSON 34: JUST SAY NO TO CHEERLEADING......Page 204
LESSON 35: A PHILOSOPHY OF THE SPHINCTER......Page 210
LESSON 36: FAMILY-PROOF AMMUNITION AND OTHER TIPS FOR HOME SHOOTING......Page 217
LESSON 37: WHY YOU SHOULD THINK OF THE ZOO AS A RESTAURANT......Page 221
LESSON 38: MOTORBIKES OF THE APOCALYPSE......Page 224
How to Defeat Attack Dogs......Page 228
LESSON 39: BATHROOM TIPS FOR COMBAT SOLDIERS......Page 230
LESSON 40: NEVER DRINK FROM THE BOWL......Page 234
LESSON 41: PROTECTING YOURSELF FROM SNIPERS, DIRTY BOMBS, AND SALAD BARS......Page 243
LESSON 42: THE GLASS OF WATER WORTH ITS WEIGHT IN GOLD......Page 249
LESSON 43: HOW TO MAKE A MAN TELL YOU ANYTHING......Page 251
LESSON 44: BOOKS THAT KILL......Page 254
LESSON 45: CAMPING FOR DUMMIES......Page 261
LESSON 46: WHERE BLACKBERRYS GO TO DIE......Page 265
LESSON 47: HOW TO BE 90 PERCENT CERTAIN YOU'LL ESCAPE CANNIBALS......Page 269
LESSON 48: ACTIVITIES FOR IRRITATING YOUR GIRLFRIEND......Page 275
LESSON 49: A NINJA'S GUIDE TO BRINGING WEAPONS ON AIRPLANES......Page 279
LESSON 50: THE DOWNSIDE OF THE CIRCLE OF LIFE......Page 286
LESSON 51: A WORKOUT PLAN FOR THE END OF THE WORLD......Page 293
LESSON 52: HOW A CAN OF BEER WILL KEEP YOU WARM......Page 307
How Open a Pad Lock with a Soda Can......Page 310
LESSON 53: SURVIVAL USES FOR MUSIC CRITICS......Page 312
LESSON 54: SECRETS OF ESCAPED FELONS......Page 317
LESSON 55: A CROSS-DRESSER'S GUIDE TO COMBAT......Page 323
LESSON 56: EXAM #1: SHELTER IN PLACE......Page 330
How to Escape from Flexicuffs......Page 345
LESSON 57: EXAM #2: BUG OUT......Page 347
PART FIVE: RESCUE......Page 359
LESSON 58: THE PRESIDENT'S PLAN TO SAVE YOU......Page 360
LESSON 59: ICELAND IS THE NEW CARIBBEAN......Page 364
LESSON 60: WHAT ABOUT LOVE?......Page 367
LESSON 61: THE ODDS OF DYING HORRIBLY......Page 372
LESSON 62: PROPER CARE AND HANDLING OF HAWAIIAN TROPIC GIRLS......Page 377
LESSON 63: MURDER SCENE MANNERS......Page 380
LESSON 64: HOW TO LISTEN TO THE EARTH'S CRUST......Page 385
LESSON 65: WHERE TO SWIM ACROSS THE BORDER......Page 389
How to Live Longer......Page 393
LESSON 66: SECRETS FOR CIVILIZING LONE WOLVES......Page 395
LESSON 67: HOW TO TELL WHICH SIDE GOD IS ON......Page 403
LESSON 68: THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE A DUAL CITIZEN......Page 407
LESSON 69: WHAT TO DO WHEN THE LIGHTS GO OUT......Page 412
EPILOGUE......Page 415
The Parting Words of the Fishwife Sidur to Gilgamesh......Page 416
EXTRA CREDIT......Page 417
