Zing! Cupid’s arrow skewers a primitive part of the brain. Obediently, we fall in love amid showers of passionate fireworks, bond for a time … and then often get fed up with each other and grow irritable or numb. Perhaps we try to remodel our mate, seek solace online, or pursue a new love interest. Ancient sages recognized this biological snare and hinted at a way to dodge it: use lovemaking to balance one another and harmony arises naturally. With an entertaining blend of personal experiences, the latest neuroscience, and forgotten insights from around the globe, Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow confronts current assumptions about sex and love and offers a refreshing, practical approach to sexuality.
Author(s): Marnia Robinson
Edition: 1
Publisher: North Atlantic Books
Year: 2010
Language: English
Pages: 416
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
FOREWORD
PREFACE
“Who’s in Charge?”
Onward
CHAPTER ONE: BIOLOGY HAS PLANS FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE
The Coolidge Effect
How Did That Work Out?
Mating and Bonding, the Two Pedals
Why Now?
Why Me?
WISDOM OF THE AGES: TAOISM
CHAPTER TWO: ELEPHANTS IN THE LIVING ROOM
“Be Careful What You Ask For … You May Get It”
Doña Quixote Sets Out
A Subtle Sense of Lack
“Objects in Mirror May Be Closer than They Appear”
“But I Feel Great after Orgasm!”
Rowing in the Same Leaky Boat
Telltale Signs?
The Pitfalls of Self-Sufficiency
WISDOM OF THE AGES: CHRISTIANITY
CHAPTER THREE: A WHALE’S TAIL
“But What about Happy Marriages?”
The Bermuda Triangle of Relationships
“You Just Have to Find the Right Person”
More Awkward Questions
Wakeup Call
The Glamour Hook
Beyond Resentment
Mating versus Bonding
Teaming Up
A Tough Lesson
Where Had We Erred?
WISDOM OF THE AGES: HINDUISM
CHAPTER FOUR: AT THE HEART OF THE SEPARATION VIRUS”
“Planned Obsolescence
Meet Your Mammalian Brain
Ruthless Eugenics—Our Mating Program
More on the Monogamy Challenge
Faithful but Irritable
Questioning Commitment
The Link between Body and Mind
Urges Are Signals
Your Inner Compass
Dopamine—The Sharpest Arrow in Cupid’s Quiver
Enter Cupid
WISDOM OF THE AGES: CORTEZIA
CHAPTER FIVE: THE PASSION CYCLE
The Anti-Love Potion
What Goes Up Must Come Down
Dopamine—The Lynchpin
Addiction—Quest for More Misery
Balance and Bonding
Scientific Evidence of Lingering Changes after Orgasm
Prolactin
Testosterone and Friends
What about Men?
The Perception Game
Tainting Love with Fear
WISDOM OF THE AGES: MALE CONTINENCE
CHAPTER SIX: THE ROAD TO EXCESS
Yesterday’s Genes
Memories That Pack a Punch
“Where’s My Tribe?”
The Agony of Excess
Saccharin and the Shakes
Porn’s Surprising Lesson
“Too Much of a Good Thing … Is Even Better!”
Cross-Tolerances
The Plastic Brain
In a Rut
Deceptive Cues
Dopamine and Distorted Perception
Jacking Up Dopamine
Reward Circuitry Overload
Brain Training
How Does It Feel to Be a Guinea Pig?
WISDOM OF THE AGES: KAREZZA—ALICE B. STOCKHAM, MD
CHAPTER SEVEN: LEARNING TO STEER
The Surprising Gifts of Bonds
The Loophole in Our Genes’ Plan
Bonding Cues
Selfless Touch versus Hungry Touch Versus Hungry Touch
Back Up When Necessary
“Tears in the Nursery
Mates Can Strengthen Each Other
The Other Way of Easing Sexual Tension
Balance First
Relaxation versus Performance
Birth of the Ecstatic Exchanges
Intercourse
Tender Tango
Is History Repeating Itself?
WISDOM OF THE AGES: KAREZZA—J. WILLIAM LLOYD, MD
CHAPTER EIGHT: SCIENCE THAT BINDS
The Neurochemistry of Monogamy
Warding Off the Habituation Blues
How Does Companionship Protect Health?
Old Brains + Modern Relationship Stress = Ill Health
“Attention—Activated Amygdala”
Oxytocin to the Rescue
Is the “Big O” Oxytocin?
Oxytocin Isn’t a “Love Drug”
Is It Love, Is It Orgasm, or Is It Intercourse?
A “Catch-22”
What Do We Really Need from Sex?
Prostate Health
Unlimited Bonding versus Unlimited Mating
WISDOM OF THE AGES: BUDDHISM
CHAPTER NINE: BRIDGING THE GAP
Mammalian Brain Pain and the Case for Karezza
New Lifestyle, New Compulsions
From Frying Pan to Fire
Addiction and Civilization
The Ideal Mood Medicine
Pair-Bonding Mandate
Karezza and Monogamy
What to Do?
Be Straightforward
Know Thyself While Free of the Passion Cycle
Know Thyself During the Passion Cycle
“What Do I Do with This Surplus?”
Treasure Your Partner, Encourage Your Friends, Be Slow to Judge
Look Beneath the Froggy Costume
The Myth of Self-Sufficiency
Inner Work
Evolutionary Collision
“WISDOM OF THE AGES: RAINBOW SERPENT TRADITIONS
CHAPTER TEN: THE PATH OF HARMONY
Innocent Errors
No Wonder Things Are Crazy
Karezza Revisited
Taking It Easy
“Subtle Harmony
Maximizing Pleasure
Fleas in a Jar
WISDOM OF THE AGES: TRANSORGASMIC SEX
“HOW DO I EXPLAIN THIS BOOK TO MY FRIENDS?” —A SYNOPSIS OF KEY IDEAS
Mating—The “Habituation Pedal”
Bonding—The “Harmony Pedal”
THE ECSTATIC EXCHANGES
Structure
Details
Orgasms
Learning Is Learning, However It Occurs
Suggestions
EXCHANGE ONE: RECALIBRATING
EXCHANGE TWO: FROM HABIT TO HARMONY
EXCHANGE THREE: WHERE IS YOUR ATTENTION?
EXCHANGE FOUR: SHAKY COMPROMISES
EXCHANGE FIVE: RELAXATION
EXCHANGE SIX: TO HAVE ALL, GIVE ALL
EXCHANGE SEVEN: RULE BENDING
EXCHANGE EIGHT: VISION
EXCHANGE NINE: “HARMLESS” ACTIVITIES
EXCHANGE TEN: BIOLOGY’S RULES
EXCHANGE ELEVEN: IT ISN’T EASY BEING GREEN
EXCHANGE TWELVE: THINKING AHEAD
EXCHANGE THIRTEEN: SABOTEURS
EXCHANGE FOURTEEN: INTENTION
EXCHANGE FIFTEEN: NOT YET
EXCHANGE SIXTEEN: CLARITY (INTERCOURSE)
EXCHANGE SEVENTEEN: VIRGINITY
EXCHANGE EIGHTEEN: CONSISTENCY
EXCHANGE NINETEEN: QUESTIONS (INTERCOURSE)
EXCHANGE TWENTY: SELF-OBSERVATION
EXCHANGE TWENTY-ONE: BRAVO!
NOTES
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
