Nonviolent communication: A language of life

Title Page
Copyright
Contents
Foreword by Deepak Chopra, Md
Acknowledgments
1 Giving From the Heart
Introduction
A Way to Focus Attention
The NVC Process
Applying NVC in Our Lives and the World
NVC in Action: “Murderer, Assassin, Child-killer!”
2 Communication That Blocks Compassion
Moralistic Judgments
Making Comparisons
Denial of Responsibility
Other Forms of Life-alienating Communication
3 Observing Without Evaluating
The Highest Form of Human Intelligence
Distinguishing Observations From Evaluations
NVC in Action: “The Most Arrogant Speaker We’ve Ever Had!”
Exercise 1: Observation or Evaluation?
4 Identifying and Expressing Feelings
The Heavy Cost of Unexpressed Feelings
Feelings versus Non-feelings
Building a Vocabulary for Feelings
Exercise 2: Expressing Feelings
5 Taking Responsibility for Our Feelings
Hearing a Negative Message: Four Options
The Needs at the Roots of Feelings
The Pain of Expressing Our Needs versus the Pain of Not Expressing Our Needs
From Emotional Slavery to Emotional Liberation
NVC in Action: “Bring Back the Stigma of Illegitimacy!”
Exercise 3: Acknowledging Needs
6 Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life
Using Positive Action Language
Making Requests Consciously
Asking for a Reflection
Requesting Honesty
Making Requests of a Group
Requests versus Demands
Defining Our Objective When Making Requests
NVC in Action: Sharing Fears about a Best Friend’s Smoking
Exercise 4: Expressing Requests
7 Receiving Empathically
Presence: Don’t Just Do Something, Stand There
Listening for Feelings and Needs
Paraphrasing
Sustaining Empathy
When Pain Blocks Our Ability to Empathize
NVC in Action: A Wife Connects with Her Dying Husband
Exercise 5: Receiving Empathically versus Non-empathically
8 The Power of Empathy
Empathy That Heals
Empathy and the Ability to Be Vulnerable
Using Empathy to Defuse Danger
Empathy in Hearing Someone’s “No!”
Empathy to Revive a Lifeless Conversation
Empathy for Silence
9 Connecting Compassionately with Ourselves
Remembering the Specialness of What We Are
Evaluating Ourselves When We’ve Been Less Than Perfect
Translating Self-judgments and Inner Demands
NVC Mourning
Self-forgiveness
The Lesson of the Polka-dotted Suit
Don’t Do Anything That Isn’t Play!
Translating “Have to” to “Choose to”
Cultivating Awareness of the Energy behind Our Actions
10 Expressing Anger Fully
Distinguishing Stimulus From Cause
All Anger Has a Life-serving Core
Stimulus versus Cause: Practical Implications
Four Steps to Expressing Anger
Offering Empathy First
Taking Our Time
NVC in Action: Parent and Teen Dialogue a Life-threatening Issue
11 Conflict Resolution and Mediation
Human Connection
NVC Conflict Resolution versus Traditional Mediation
NVC Conflict Resolution Steps—a Quick Overview
On Needs, Strategies, and Analysis
Empathy to Ease the Pain That Prevents Hearing
Using Present and Positive Action Language to Resolve Conflict
Using Action Verbs
Translating “No”
NVC and the Mediator Role
When People Say “No” to Meeting Face to Face
Informal Mediation: Sticking Our Nose in Other People’s Business
12 The Protective Use of Force
When the Use of Force is Unavoidable
The Thinking behind the Use of Force
Types of Punitive Force
The Costs of Punishment
Two Questions That Reveal the Limitations of Punishment
The Protective Use of Force in Schools
13 Liberating Ourselves and Counseling Others
Freeing Ourselves From Old Programming
Resolving Internal Conflicts
Caring for Our Inner Environment
Replacing Diagnosis with NVC
NVC in Action: Dealing with Resentment and Self-judgment
14 Expressing Appreciation in Nonviolent Communication
The Intention behind the Appreciation
The Three Components of Appreciation
Receiving Appreciation
The Hunger for Appreciation
Overcoming the Reluctance to Express Appreciation
Epilogue
Bibliography
The Four-Part Nonviolent Communication Process
Some Basic Feelings and Needs We All Have
About Nonviolent Communication
About Puddledancer Press
About the Center for Nonviolent Communication
Trade Books From Puddledancer Press
Trade Booklets From Puddledancer Press
About the Author