Emotional Intelligence For Dummies

Title Page
Copyright Page
Table of Contents
Introduction
About This Book
Foolish Assumptions
Icons Used in This Book
Beyond the Book
Where to Go from Here
Part 1 There’s a New Kind of Intelligence in Town
Chapter 1 Feeling Smart
Defining Emotional Intelligence
Getting a Handle on Your Emotions
Understanding the Emotions of Others
Influencing a person’s emotions
Following the Golden Rule
Applying Emotional Intelligence at Work
The benefits of emotional intelligence at work
The advantages of an emotionally intelligent workplace
Pursuing Successful Family Interactions
Chapter 2 Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence
Measuring Emotional Intelligence
Feeling, Thinking, and Behaving Like an Emotionally Intelligent Person
Feeling like an emotionally intelligent person
Thinking like an emotionally intelligent person
Behaving like an emotionally intelligent person
Recognizing an Emotionally Unintelligent Person
Chapter 3 Finding Happiness
Defining Happiness
Understanding the Benefits of Being Happy
Exercise and the road to happiness
Changing your emotions
Addressing problems by using optimism
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses
Finding Authentic Happiness
Part 2 The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence
Chapter 4 Investigating the Science Behind Emotional Intelligence
Understanding the Difference between Emotional and Cognitive
Knowing How Your Emotions Affect You
Making the Case for Emotional Intelligence
Understanding how EQ tests work
The EQ-i
The EQ 360
The MSCEIT
Understanding how EQ tests work compared to personality tests
Differentiating Personality from Emotional Skills
Tracking personality across the life span
Changing your emotional intelligence
Chapter 5 Becoming More Aware of Your Emotions
Defining Feeling, Emotion, and Mood
Identifying Your Emotions
Digging Deeper into Your Emotions
Interpreting behaviors
Examining self-destructive behaviors
Understanding body language
Identifying anger
Recognizing fear or anxiety
Sensing sadness
Seeing embarrassment
Spotting surprise
Knowing happiness
Reading your emotions through other people
Changing Negative Emotions
Recognizing negative emotions
Using the ABCDE theory of emotions
Chapter 6 Managing Your Emotions
Okay, I Feel Sad, Mad, or Bad — Now What?
Using cognitive restructuring
Methods of distraction
Relaxation, meditation, and similar activities
Progressive relaxation
Diaphragmatic or belly breathing
Acupressure
Purposeful distraction
How mindfulness works
Visualizing what you want
Distraction
Performance
Working Your Way Out of a Bad Situation
Short-term approaches
Long-term solutions
Changing Your Emotions for the Better
Recognizing the importance of practice
Developing a positive psychology
Chapter 7 Understanding Empathy
Knowing the Difference between Empathy and Sympathy
Beginning with you, not I
Knowing why the difference is important
Reading Other People’s Emotions
Walking in the other person’s shoes
Starting with what they say
Understanding what their faces tell you
Decoding body language
Showing People That You Understand Their Feelings
Checking in
Getting confirmation
Exploring Situations in Which Empathy Can Really Help You
Strengthening intimate relationships
Understanding friends and relatives
Dealing with tense situations that involve strangers
Chapter 8 Managing Other People’s Emotions
Changing How You React to Others
Being aware of your gut reaction
Working through alternative responses
Managing Other People’s Emotions
Identifying where other people are coming from
Establishing a realistic alternative behavior
Getting a person to want to change
Encountering Obnoxious People
Determining your best outcome with a difficult person
Developing techniques for dealing with difficult people
Dealing with Difficult Friends and Relatives
Start with the endgame
Getting to the relationship you want
Part 3 Taking Emotional Intelligence to Work
Chapter 9 Dealing with Difficult Workplace Situations
Having Feelings at Work?
Getting in touch with your feelings at work
Getting control of your emotions
What was upsetting?
What about the event upset you?
Why am I still upset?
Will being upset help me in some way?
Can feeling upset hinder me?
Can I start to calm down in some way?
How do I want to appear to my coworkers?
Can I communicate effectively with my coworkers when I’m upset?
Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Worst at Work
Tackling hassles
Coping with fears
Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Best at Work
Managing the Emotions of Others at Work
Chapter 10 Succeeding Through Emotional Intelligence
Finding the Right Job
Testing interests, personality, and intelligence
Vocational interest tests
Personality tests
Cognitive intelligence, or IQ (intelligence quotient)
Aptitude or skills tests
What EQ can add to the job equation
Assessing Your Work Life
You are what you feel
Knowing whether your job feels right
Getting a feel for what you do best
Improving Your Performance When Working with People
Knowing whether you’re a people person
Dealing effectively with people at work
Improving Your Performance When Working Alone
Knowing whether you prefer to work alone
Getting better at working alone
Communicating well with others
Motivating yourself
Influencing People at Work
Using empathy to make your sale
Understanding assertiveness
Becoming a Better Team Player
Understanding work teams
Fitting in on a team
Helping your teammates
Chapter 11 Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader
Getting Others to Do Things at Work
Deciding whether you want to be a manager
Getting someone to listen to you
Eliciting cooperative behavior from others
Leading Other People
Defining an effective workplace leader
Authenticity
Coaching
Insight
Innovation
Using the four pillars in your work
Knowing your leadership skills
Knowing your leadership weaknesses
Knowing whether you’re fit to be a workplace leader
Rising to the occasion of good leadership
Chapter 12 Creating an Emotionally Intelligent Workplace
Defining the Emotionally Intelligent Workplace
Looking at the typical workplace
Considering an emotionally intelligent workplace
Welcome to the remote workplace
Determining Whether Your Workplace Is Emotionally Intelligent
Documenting your workplace strengths
Cataloging areas for improvement
Experiencing problems with the work itself
Lacking resources to do the work
Having problems with the people at work
Knowing whether your workplace is emotionally intelligent
Managing the Work-Life Balancing Act
Knowing your values
Looking at your life time
How you can balance work and life
Creating Emotionally Intelligent Teams
Defining a work team
Understanding what makes teams work
Increasing the emotional intelligence of your team
Making Your Workplace More Emotionally Intelligent
Starting with you
Influencing your coworkers
Managing your manager
Taking it to the top
Chapter 13 Getting Through College with Emotional Intelligence
Why So Many Students Don’t Make It Through the First Year of College
Looking at school grades and SATs
We’re not in Kansas anymore: Welcome to college
Problems that first-year students encounter
Preparing to deal with emotional and social issues
Warning Signs of College Derailment
Adjusting to the first year of college
How to know when your first year isn’t going well
Suggestions to Get Back on Track
Identifying possible problems
Taking stock of your resources
Getting into action mode
Knowing Your Long-Term Objectives
Cataloging strengths
Identifying your strengths and weaknesses
Setting long-term goals
Achieving long-term goals
Part 4 Using Emotional Intelligence at Home
Chapter 14 Creating Emotionally Intelligent Relationships
Assessing Your Intimate Relationship
Understanding why emotional intelligence matters in a relationship
Rating your relationship
Understanding How Your Emotions Affect the Relationship
Emotions: The glue of relationships
How emotions help you grow together
Why emotions sometimes grow apart
Understanding and Managing Your Partner’s Emotions
Taking your partner’s emotional temperature
Knowing where to start managing your partner’s emotions
Pushing the limit of managing your partner’s emotions
Using Your Emotional Skills in Your Relationship
Taking your own emotional temperature
Knowing what battles are worth fighting
Knowing when to hold your tongue
Using empathy to enhance your relationship
Building Emotionally Healthy Social Relationships
Using your emotional skills in social relationships
Finding the right balance of emotional and social skills
Chapter 15 Parenting with Emotional Intelligence
How Intelligent People Become Emotionally Unintelligent Parents
What they didn’t teach you about kids
Managing your own emotions
Understanding Where Your Partner Is Coming From
Working as a team
Managing each other’s emotions
Keeping Your Cool with Your Child
Using Your Emotional Skills to Manage Your Child
Managing your impulse control
Using empathy as a guide
Problem-solving your way through crises
Getting a Grip When Dealing with Your Teenager
What you should know about flexibility
Where stress management comes in handy
Dealing with stressful thoughts
Using distraction as stress relief
Managing the Rollercoaster Teenage Years
Keeping self-regard on an even keel
Gauging your teenager’s interpersonal skills
Showing your teenager social responsibility
Chapter 16 Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
Understanding Your Child
Modeling empathy early
Reading your child’s moods
Helping Your Child Become More Aware of His Emotions
Using exercises in self-awareness
Connecting emotions and consequences
Managing Your Child’s Withdrawn Behaviors
Why some children are shy
Bringing your child out of her shell
Managing Your Child’s Overactive or Aggressive Behaviors
The ADHD epidemic
Knowing whether your child has ADHD
Why so many children behave aggressively
How to tell whether your child is too aggressive
The importance of callous and unemotional characteristics
Getting your child to be less oppositional and defiant
Making Your Teenager More Aware of Emotional Intelligence
Talking to your teen about emotions
Getting your teenager to read books such as this one
Helping Your Teenager Become More Emotionally Intelligent
Putting theory into practice
Letting them discover their own emotional intelligence
Part 5 The Part of Tens
Chapter 17 Ten Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Become More Self-Aware
Express Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Beliefs
Discover Your Inner Passions
Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses
Walk in the Other Person’s Shoes
Manage Another Person’s Emotions
Be Socially Responsible
Manage Your Own Impulses
Be More Flexible
Be Happy
Chapter 18 Ten Ways to Help Difficult People with Their Emotional Intelligence
Taking the Indirect Approach
Having a Talk
Having a Talk
Knowing Whether You’ve Been Heard
Gauging the Intention to Change
Giving Feedback
Providing Strategies
Checking Progress
Exploring the Effect of Poor Behavior
Selling on Benefits
Chapter 19 Ten Ways to Make the World a More Emotionally Intelligent Place
Caring for Others
Focusing on Other People
Working on Yourself
Helping Your Family
Giving Back to Your Community
Improving Your Workplace
Bringing Back Civility
Reducing Hate
Taking Up a Cause for Your Country
Changing Your World
Index
EULA